Jury Duty

Hello, world. It's been a while. Welcome to the new blog...the old space was getting way too crowded . . . quarters so tight I could write, spell check and trim my toenails all at once. As I get more better at computer things, I will update this site with fancy pictures and graphics and things. Well, I suppose it depends on if the internet is still a fad when I get better at computer decorations. At any rate, sit still and shut your mouth. There are plenty of fun places to go on the cyber space to see things . . . just plug your computer into the hole where the phone goes and turn off your call waiting. Be patient. They say patience is a virtue . . . I say I never liked that saying. That is like saying patience is a throw pillow . . . no, its a lighting fixture.

I've had this weird thing going on lately: I fall asleep around 1030 and saw solid logs for about an 5 hours or so, then the mill shuts down and Tyler the Sawyer wakes up bright-eyed and bushy haired around 3-4 am. Not much to do at this time...lots and lots and lots of infomercials. I try to read but the barnacles that have formed in the corners of my eyes make it difficult. Sometimes I'll have a bowl of cereal, but the last time I tried that I was still in some kind of a coma or something and poured Diet Coke on my Corn Flakes instead of milk. It was weird, what with the carbonated bubbles and my withdrawal symptoms from the Opium. Not very interesting. 

Moving along, I was flipping through the channels and there was nothing on until I noticed something called "Celebrity Jury" or something like that. Now, other than Cheater's and the Train Wreck known as Celebrity Rehab, I am not a big reality TV show guy fan. But for some reason I just wanted to check this out. Well, I lie. There were 3 solid reasons for me to check it out: 1) it has the word "celebrity" in it, which automatically has one ingredient for a chuckle. 2) it was on the WB, or the IW, or whatever that 3rd world channel is that thrives on reruns of Fresh Prince and Hanging with Mr. someone. 3) its on a 3am. 

So, its the normal "court" show of some down and out hag who is trying to get her 91 Mercury Capri and her Play Station back from her dead beat boyfriend who lives with his mom and has a nose ring. All nonsense. Very trashy with a hint of slime. The kind of show that makes you want to pierce your eye with a rusty coat hanger. However, the astounding part was 2/3 of the celebrity jury. One was the lady who played Carla on Cheer's, Rhea Pearlman. The other was Shirley Maclaine. The other was one of the spares from Queer Eye. Now, as it makes perfect sense that the Queer Eye guy is on this show, dude, Rhea Pearlman and Shirley Maclaine???? Maclaine is a legend and Pearlman is forever institutionalized in Cheer's lore. Whatthefuck? Are things that bad in Hollywood that they are taking gigs on a wheels-off "jury" reality show playing in the CW at 3am? WOW. I don't get. I could see participants being Kato Kaelin, one of the Corey's or Anna Nicole if she wasn't dead and everything, but it just blew me back . . . all the way back into the kitchen for another cold slice of day-old pizza.

On other news, my peepee is the color of Skywalker's Lightsabre...its almost nuclear. I think that means my vitamins are either way up or way down. I hope its good or I might die.

GO WORLD!

Tyler