Ghosts

Hello all of my faithful readers . . . which essentially is my immediate family minus my mother, one brother and my drunk illiterate uncle. Is he even an uncle? All he is doing is eating all of our steak and ruining everyone's lives. I stole that. Well, being that the orb that rests atop my spinal stem is a landfill of marginally useless information, I think I will continue on the TV theme that I wasted decent folks time with a few days ago.

GHOST SHOWS: I am now officially irritated with "Ghost Shows". They are all over the TV dial: Ghost Hunters, Ghost Adventures, Paranormal State, Ghost Travels...and in college I drove a pile of shit primer grey 1987 Jeep Cherokee which was dubbled "THE GREY GHOST" .... flush with a falling interior ceiling that was held in place with nails, bubble gum and fingernails. At any rate, I am really tired of the ghost shows. At first I was frustrated with the show itself for teasing me week in and week out with previews and trailers depicting folks getting the plop scared out of them. I was mad that they were dangling that carrot in front of my like I used to do to my gimp with the Golden Grahams. You never see a damn thing...it is the same thing every time....a noise....a shadow...a a drafty room. Boo. Ahhh.

"Did you feel that???? Oh WOW!", says the portly lump of a man with a hoop earring and some kind of A/C Delco Battery retro-fitted to detect ghosts. "OOOOHHHHHHHH, it got cold in here. I feel a dark presence. We are not alone. Ahhhhhhhhh!"

CUT TO COMMERCIAL.

Fuck off. I'm tired of never seeing a damn thing. All they do is gather a bunch of data, hook it up to some kind of computer with 9 screens and then analyze the "ghost" of what is really a gravy stain on the monitor from said portly earring man and his 20 piece nugget meal. I wonder if the ghosts know exactly how much money they could provide for their still living family if they just went into negotiations. 400k for 2 seasons worth of spooky encounters and perhaps a skull smashing or two. What the hell else are the spirits doing? Take of advantage of your dead lifeless aura. 

I give credit to the editors, they do a good job of baiting the hook. I don't know why I continue to tune in, I know fully well what is going to happen. Perhaps I'll boycott and cheat on the ghost shows with Dog The Bounty Hunter or do laundry.

I am the fool. And if I were a ghost, I'd be a ghoul.

And with that pathetic last line, I go.

Suck it, ghosts.

Tyler