Last Days In Office

OPEN on the interior of the Oval Office. Snow falls gently outside the window and Fraggle Rock plays on the plasma TV. It is the final weeks of the Bush Administration. George Bush is sprawled out on the Presidential seal, playing with his new train set. Barney, the White House dog, is in the corner chewing on a pile of official documents. Condi Rice sits on the sofa and Dick Cheney sits at the President's desk. A bottle of Cognac sits in front of him. A cigar burns in the ashtray.

Condi: Mr. President? Sir. Can you tell me where you put that box of Silver Stars? Sir?

W: (distracted) Huh? Hold on, hold on. Watch this.

He places an action figure on the train track and runs it over with the train.

W: Hell yea! See, that's what I'm takin' bout! 

Condi: Very nice sir. Can you tell where they are? You have to hand them out tomorrow after your speech at the Boston College commencement. 

W: Your mom goes to college!

Chaney: Good one.

Condi: Please, sir.

W: Condi. Oh Condi, Condi, Condi. Do you listen to Blondie? That'd be awesome, then I could say Condi loves Blondie! Hell yea! What was the question?

Condi: The Silver Stars sir. 

W: Like throwing stars? Did you ever see American Ninja?

Condi: I'll find them myself. 

W: Thadda Condi. (whsipers) Hey....watch this.

He motions over to Cheney, who is looking out the window at the snow and counting a wad of cash. W removes a pack of Black Cats from his fanny pack, lights them and throws them at Cheney.

SFX: BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!

Cheney jumps up.

W: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Look at you, you pussy!!!! Ahhhhh, that's aswesome! (his tone turns to a mocking voice) Oh.....did you have a heart attack? Poor little Dickey.

Cheney: That's pretty funny. 

Cheney slams the Cognac.

Condi: Sir. (points to the phone) This red light has been blinking for 3 years. Your voice mailbox is full. Will you please check it? 

W: What for?

Condi: Important issues...you're still the President, sir.

W: Not my problem.

Condi: Sir, if I may, you still have several items on your desk to be signed.

W: YO mama!

Cheney is now passed out. Barney is chewing on his shoe.

Condi: I think the people deserve better, sir.

W: Listen. You hear that????? Listen. You hear it? It is saying, 'that ain't my problem....ain't my problem no mo!'

Condi: Very well, sir.

W: You want to arm wrestle?

Condi: No sir. I need to  go..

W: Very well. (slaps her on the ass) If anyone calls, I'm not here. Where is that Chinese finger cuff game?

Cheney: Lets go throw snowballs.

W: Grab the sled!

THE END

Cheney: