Assholes

ANYTIME the movies 'Just One Of The Guys', 'Caddyshack', 'Roadhouse' or 'Police Academy' is on TV I have to watch it. Same goes for The Goonies or LA Confidential. It doesn't matter. I could be on my way to opening day and it wouldn't matter, I'd stay and watch. There could be a man coming at me with a bow staff and I would stay put. Which is weird because I have the majority of these on DVD. So what is it about when a movie that you already own, and can watch anytime, comes on randomly that makes me want to watch it? I can watch it anytime but for some reason it is more appealing when it comes on randomly. It kind of falls into the same bucket that your friends fries always taste better. In my case, it would be that the stranger next to me has better tasting fries. 

The other day I was watching one of those Sunday movie marathons on something like TNT or TBS and 'Just One Of The Guys' came on. Aside from all of the greatness that movie has to offer - from Budmeister hitting on anything with a pulse to Terri showing her mammies to Rick Morehouse at the prom - one thing and one thing always stands out: THE GREAT WILLIAM ZABKA. Bar none, he was one of the greatest dickfaces of the 80s. Karate Kid. Just One Of The Guys. Back To School. All great performances . . . Zabka played a great prick, and played it wonderfully and without inhibitions.

So it go me thinking of what I think are the 25 best assholes of movies.

25. Paperboy (wants his 2 dollars) - Better Off Dead

24. Willie Lopez (rapist/killer/thief/junkie/all around prick) - Ghost

23. Ivan Drago (White Russian) - Rocky IV

22. Bart Taylor (BMX prick) - RAD

21. The Fratelli Family (angry inn keepers) - The Goonies

20. Jasper Woodcock (dickhead gym teacher) - Mr. Woodcock

19. Fred O'Bannion (old high school fartface) - Dazed and Confused

18. Shooter McGavin (pompous golf champion) - Happy Gilmore

17. Tantoo (wild indian dick who scalps wagon driver and eats his food) - Dances With Wolves

16. Hardy Jenns (Corvette-driving preppy scumbag) - Some Kind Of Wonderful

15. Victor Maitlen (cokehead/art dealer/drug dealer/killer) - Beverly Hills Cop

14. Sheriff Will Teasel (bloated small town cop) - First Blood

13. Darla Marks (crabby senior bitch) - Dazed and Confused

12. Stan Gable (shithead ATOMS quarterback and Betty Childs BF) - Revenge of the Nerds

11. Ogar (stinky drunk moron football player) - Revenge of the Nerds

10. Biff Tannon (jealous bully) - Back To The Future

9. Johnny (skelton karate fucker with headband and motorcycle) - Karate Kid

8. Ernie McCracken (bolwing legend) - Kingpin

7. Emperor Palpatine (racist Snuggie-wearing Sith Lord) - Return of the Jedi

6. O'Dolye Brothers' (red haired family of adolescent buttholes) - Billy Madison

5. Brad Wesley (rich dick with Napoleon complex) - Roadhouse

4. The Sand People (Snuggie wearing desert shitfaces) - Star Wars

3. Judge Schmails (golf cheater and Lacy's uncle) - Caddyshack

2. Andy (horny lumberjack) - PeeWee's Big Adventure

1. Chet (Jabba The Hutt starter kit) - Weird Science

And a happy Tuesday to you -

Tyler